It's all bittersweet, at best. Tomorrow marks my sixteenth birthday, and right now the sixteenth autumn that I've seen (a very rainy one, at that).

At that date lies a loss of inner and outer youth, but there also lies greater freedom and even greater responsibility. Whether these newly found obligations will worry me or set me to greater heights will be in the hands of my own decisions. On that day, I will pledge once again to brazenly face new contracts and embrace the things that may come. I will recognize the fact that my actions will shape my habits, and ultimately shape my character towards myself and others. I promise to fight on and live my days as if they were the last. After all, the future is never guaranteed.

Why? I don't know...

This survey gets a little personal, can you handle it?
We'll see about that.

If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Texting? That's not what I do...

Were you happy when you woke up today?
To be honest, no.

When were you on the phone last? And with who?
About a week ago, with Sarah.

Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
No.

Want someone back in your life?
Many people.

What are you excited for?
Graduation day, which is far off...but nonetheless.

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Apple juice?

Are you scared to fall in love?
Sometimes...

Is there something you want to tell someone?
Yes, but they would be unethical. Believe me. >

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
My family.

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
No.

When is your next road trip?
This Fall, I believe.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Nope.

Whats your 3rd text say?
Again...I don't do texting.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
No...

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
Yes, and I enjoyed it.

Do you remember who you liked in 7th grade?
I do.

What time did you wake up this morning?
10:30 AM.

What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Watched TV.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
There are many people that don't like me or my family.

What do you hear?
My brother, who is registering for community college.

Liked someone older than you?
Yep.

Any apologies from anyone recently and who was it from?
No.

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
Not at all!

Can you make a dollar in change right now?
Oh yeah. I collect spare change.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Apple juice.

Last person you drove with in a car?
My brother, and his friend.

What did you last buy?
Food from A&W.

Do you like Chinese food?
Not really.

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yes, I did.

What are you wearing on your feet?
Brown slippers.

When was the last time you were told you were cute?
5th grade...

What color shirt are you wearing?
Darkish green.

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes.

Will this weekend be a good one?
I doubt it.

Who hugged you last?
Mother.

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to?
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

What is something you disliked about your day?
Being busy.

How much cash do you have on you?
About $35.

What's your current desktop picture?
Living trees with eyes, completely darkened by shadows, against a dark blue night sky.

Besides this what are you doing?
Petting my cat.

Are you easy to get along with?
Usually.

When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking?
It was in January on a lonesome Winter night.

Do you miss the way things used to be?
That was then...this is now.

Just wanted to tell everyone that I'll be off for ten days in the upper peninsula of Michigan. It's the usual family vacation and I've been there tons of times. This time, however, there will be a big family reunion I have to go to. I'm pretty indifferent of it because I think my relatives in Michigan are kind of weird, probably because they tend to act Canadian a lot (not that there is anything wrong with that). I don't know. It's a very quiet and beautiful place to be, nonetheless.

I leave tomorrow.

There's a special girl in my life whom I've known for over seven years. We've grown so much and learned a lot about ourselves, in that time, and I consider myself extremely lucky for her to be in my life. But after we graduate in the Class of 2012, we'll most likely go our separate ways. So where could we go from here?

I've been hearing things from my friends, and they're telling me that she's starting to get desperate. She is wondering whether I still like her, but also even if I "like her, like her" (if you catch my drift). I don't know if I've been doing things that have been making her curious or upset, but my friends are saying that she may be starting to flip out, and if I don't talk to her now about our relationship status, or even stepping it up, things could be disastrous. The thing about my friends is that I really don't know if I can trust them, or not. They may just be trying to set us up to something that, to us, is completely uncalled for.

They think that deep down I really want to express my truer feelings towards her, but I'm possibly just too shy to do it. I hate it when my own timid behaviors bring me down. At the same time, I just can't get inside of her head. Girls are so confusing. Arnold Haultain once said that "A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon." Even the slightest moments that I may not even notice could be sending mixed message towards me.

Do I love her?
Does she love me back?

I just don't know what to do...